My #1 Tip for How to Survive the Holidays

It’s official, the holiday season is here.

For some, the holiday season is full of love, laughter, giving, receiving, and celebrating.

For others, it can be stressful, depressing, and filled with anxiety. When around family, we can easily revert back to our old teenage selves which can make us feel hurt, angry, and frustrated.

Regardless of what camp you’re in, I give you my #1 tip for helping you stay connected with yourself and enjoy the holidays a little bit more this season.

Enjoy the Holidays with 3 Easy Steps

Step 1: First, start with the end. Ask yourself, “How do I want to feel at the end of the gathering?”

Step 2: Identify the key words that represent how you want to feel. For example, you want to feel connection, optimism, relaxed, happy, just to name a few. Think about how you want to feel and write down your 3 good feeling key words.

Step 3: Set your intention. Bring your 3 key feelings to the occasion and revisit them often throughout the gathering. Notice as you focus your attention on how you want to feel before, during and after the event.

If you follow this one tip, you might just find this holiday season to be more joyful and less stressful.

Happy Holidays!

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#LifeOnYourTerms

How to boost your creativity with play dates

 

You’re feeling tired, bored, and stuck in the routine of everyday life. It’s almost like you can sleepwalk through doing all the things that keep you successful on a daily basis.

You can’t think of the last time you raised the bar in any area of your life.

You’re feeling a strong craving to breakout in some way, but how?

I have the answer; Artist Dates

Working or being productive over an extended period of time can lead to energetic and creative depletion. Artist Dates allow you to replenish your resources when you’re feeling like you’re running on empty. They teach you to be self-nourishing and help you manage the balance of your creative resources.

What is an Artist Date?

An artist date is a block of time, in the neighborhood of 2 hours or so, that is scheduled and committed to exclusively for nurturing and replenishing your creative awareness and energy.

Artist dates are solo expeditions (emphasis on solo) designed to reignite your creative energy by exploring something that interests you. It’s going to be tempting to invite a companion, don’t. Trust me on this; if you don’t go solo, you won’t enjoy the benefits only an artist date can provide.

Depending on how depleted you are, you may find weekly Artists Dates beneficial. Any time you can schedule an Artist Date will be time well spent.

Benefits of Artist Dates

Art is about the play of ideas; they open our minds and nourish our soul. They ignite our creativity, our passions, and our dreams by replenishing our inner fuel tank of images, inspiration, and fun.

• Artist Dates fire up the imagination
• They spark quirkiness
• They encourage play
• They challenge yourself to try new things
• They improve confidence
• They provide an opportunity to reconnect with ourselves and our innermost dreams and desires.

When choosing an Artist Date, ask yourself, “what sounds fun?” Then go out there and try it and see what happens.

20 Artist Date Ideas

1. Visit an art supply store, hobby store or fabric store. Take your time to walk through the aisles and take it all in. Find and buy an art project to create.
2. Get out a map and plan a roadtrip.
3. Visit a farmer’s market that you’ve never been to. Explore all the displays and treat yourself to something that sparks your interest.
4. Spend some time outdoors with your journal or sketchbook.
5. Visit your local library and check out a book or audio program on a topic that you know very little about but that looks fascinating to you. Check it out, read or listen to it.
6. Watch an Oscar-nominated movie, foreign film, or look for films screened at your local art museum and go.
7. Check out the local museum scene by visiting the Art or Science museum or other specialty museums in your area.
8. Go for a walk or hike, take your camera with you and document the experience. Store these images in an easy to access place for when you want to remind yourself of the imagines and feeling of the experience.
9. Create a Pinterest account. Search areas of interest to you and Pin whatever inspires you or sparks your imagination and create your own dream or wish board.
10. Attend a local festival, music event, art show, play, or other cultural events.
11. Set aside an hour of quiet time; no phone, TV, computer, or manufactured sound whatsoever, and allow your mind to roam freely.
12. Visit your local Zoo. Research special events held there to make your visit extra special.
13. Spend an hour going through your books. Pick ten to read or re-read and ten to donate to charity.
14. Visit your local Botanical Gardens, Arboretum, or park. Take your camera.
15. Bake some chocolate chip cookies (or whatever your favorite treat is) while listening to your favorite music.
16. Read an old journal and appreciate your journey and the progression of your life.
17. Volunteer for an hour or two at a local shelter and play with or exercise the animals that are waiting for good homes.
18. Expose yourself to new music. Take a walk with someone else’s iPod or get a referral to a playlist on Spotify or station on Pandora.
19. Play tourist in your own town and surrounding area.  Visit the local tourism office or web site and explore and learn something new about your town.
20. Handwrite a letter to your parents or a special friend or relative. Remind them of special memories you have and what you are grateful to them for. Send it.

Schedule Your First Date

Now that you have some ideas for Artist Dates, create your own Artist Date list. Write down and commit to three (3) artists dates that you plan to do in the next months.

Remember: do something that intrigues you, explore what interests you. Do something new and fun for a couple of hours and see what happens.

Artist Dates are the brain child of Julia Cameron, author of The Artist’s Way.

Morning Pages, the companion to Artist Dates

If you enjoyed learning about Artist Dates, you may also be interested in its companion, Morning Pages. Click here to learn about Morning Pages.

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Why Improving Your Confidence is the Key to Success

 

You’ve got a strong desire to up your game and show up big. But for some reason, you’re having a hard time mustering up the courage to challenge yourself in new ways.

You’re enjoying the comfort and predictability of your routine schedule. If that’s true, then why does the whisper inside you keep telling you it’s time, time to explore new territory.

I know, I’ve been there too.

It’s impossible to challenge yourself and take risks when you’re feeling doubtful about your abilities. The first step in creating change in any area of your life is to develop your confidence.

When you feel confident is when you’ll be able to create the changes you want in your life so you can feel excited about waking up in the morning. Without it, life will be tedious, unfulfilling, and dull.

Today I’ll be giving you 4 keys you can start using right away to start building your confidence so you can go out there and get what you really want in life and in business.

 

1.    Strive for Continuous Improvement

A recent study found that when it comes to job promotions, women apply when they feel 100% competent for the job. Men, on the other hand, apply when they feel 60% competent.

Pretty shocking right?

If perfection is your standard, you’ll never be fully confident because you’ve set the bar to an impossible level, a point where you will consistently feel inadequate.

Pursuing perfection is one of the most detrimental things a woman can do to undermine her confidence. Strive for continuous improvement, instead of perfection.

When predicting success, confidence is more important than competence.

As a business owner, if I waited until everything I created was perfect, I wouldn’t release or do anything! I generally aim for 80% because not only is 80% more than good enough, in most cases, releasing and doing my work enables me to start developing mastery AND move on to what’s next.

Done is better than perfect.

 

2.    Think Positively

Women, much more than men, spend far too much time second-guessing themselves and reflecting on every conversation, interaction, decision, etc. This tendency to reflect and find fault in our own behavior creates negative thought patterns that block self-confidence and as a result, block us from moving forward in our lives and achieving all we are meant to achieve.

In order to build confidence, women have to start thinking more positively about themselves and their abilities.

Turning your focus to more positive thinking and acknowledging your strengths and accomplishments is an important step in developing self-confidence.

A positive mindset builds confidence.

A few months ago I had a writing project I needed to do that intimidated the heck out me. Writing anything tends to make me nervous. I was so anxious about my abilities, or lack thereof, and fearful about failing that I had to take a whole day of self-care (yoga, mani/pedi, extra special cultural event, and plenty of rest) before I could even think about it without freaking out.

Finally I said to myself, “get it together!” It’s a writing project for goodness sake. You’ve done way more complicated things than write some copy. I thought about everything I’ve accomplished to get to where I’m at now – all my past successes and all the things I’m really good at – and wrote them all down. “I Can’t” quickly turned into “You Got This!” Now, when I look at the copy I wrote I think “wow, I did it!”

Appreciating your strengths and achievements nurtures self-confidence.

 

3.    Leave Your Comfort Zone

In order for you to build more confidence, you must move out of your comfort zone and try new things. You can only grow if you’re willing to feel awkward and uncomfortable as you explore unknown territory. The reward? Confidence.

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better.

The trick is to start simple. Trying one new small thing will give you confidence to try something else.  For example, try a new fitness class, visit a new coffee shop, visit your local hobby store and buy an art kit, try a new recipe. Continue trying new things and notice how it motivates you to try something else. As you increase the risk in your endeavors, you become more confident in the process.

Not letting fear stop you, is essential in building your confidence.

I had a dream for many years to travel to Europe solo. Truth was; I was scared. Finally, I got up the nerve to dip my toe into International solo traveling by starting small. I planned 3 solo days in Amsterdam before I joined a travel group to continue on to Luxembourg and Belgium.

Prior to the trip, I was nervous all the way up to getting on the plane. Once I was on my way, all the nerves disappeared. Turns out, it was invigorating being in a foreign city solo and finding my way around and doing all the things I had dreamed of doing in a city I had been wanting to visit for so long. I can’t wait to raise the bar on my next travel adventure!

When was the last time you did something that scared you?

 

4.    Repeat Often

Neuroscience tells us that we can all rewire our brains, even as adults. When we change our thinking and develop new mental habits, that effort creates physical changes in our brains.

Scientific studies about resilience, a quality related to confidence, are leaning toward the same idea, that resilience can also be created by simply training our brains.

Methods of thinking can carve new pathways in our adult brains, pathways that encourage resilience, or confident thinking, and that then become part of our hard-wiring.

There’s power and science in positive thinking.

 

The Keys to Confidence

Developing confidence is a marathon, not a sprint. Progress is made in incremental ways over time. There no time like the present to get started!

1. Strive for Continuous Improvement. Pursuing perfection is one of the most detrimental things a woman can do to undermine her confidence. Done is better than perfect.
2. Think Positively. When we believe the negative voices in our mind, they hold us back from accomplishing all we’re meant to achieve in our lives. A positive mindset builds confidence.
3. Leave Your Comfort Zone. Life gets boring when you stay within the limits of what you already know. Just do it!
4. Repeat Often. Confident people have a growth mindset and self-belief that they can make something happen. How do they do it? Practice!

I help people make bold moves that propel them forward in their career and in their lives.

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An Inside Look at the Obliger Tendency

The Secret to Getting More of What YOU Want in Life

 

The Four Tendencies is a fascinating look into how you respond to and meet expectations; for you and for others. Understanding this aspect of your personality will change your awareness of your own personality, as well as the personality of others. This awareness helps you to live and work more effectively and enables you to live a happier life.

Discover your tendency by taking the short quiz here.

• Upholder (meets all expectations)
• Questioner (meets inner and resists outer expectations)
• Obliger (meets outer and resists inner expectations)
• Rebel (resists all expectations)

Article 2 in Series of 5: This article is a follow-up article to How Unlocking Your Natural Tendency Leads to a Happier Life, an overview of the Four Tendencies.

How the Obliger Meets Outer and Resists Inner Expectations

When an expectation comes from the outside – a boss, a friend, a coach, a teacher, a family member, a client, a colleague – Obligers will respond. On the flip side, they struggle to meet expectations they have for themselves.

People that lean toward the Obliger tendency are keenly accountable to others.  They eagerly meet the deadline at work, host Thanksgiving dinner for the extended family, and attend the after-hours meeting.

However, Obligers struggle to hold themselves accountable for desires and expectations they have for themselves like keeping to a committed exercise schedule, taking an online class, or eating healthier meals.

Obligers can take time for others but they can’t seem to take time for themselves.

The good news for Obligers is that they can easily remedy the struggle to meet inner expectations by creating outer accountability. Once Obligers understand that they need outer accountability to meet their own expectations, they can easily create their personal accountability structures.

For this reason, Obligers, more than any other tendency, gain the most out of learning about their tendency. It also helps people that interact with an Obliger understand how to influence them and effectively help them.

Outer Accountability: The Crucial Element

Recently I was having post yoga coffee with a friend and colleague. After we talked for a while, it became clear to me that I was sitting across from a classic Obliger. She was meeting an inner desire and expectation by meeting me for yoga and having coffee afterwards but at the same time, she was struggling with not being able to meet expectations from others during the process as noted by her texting.

If was a lovely outing and we made loose plans to meet for yoga again. Like a true Obliger, expectations from others took precedence and she cancelled. What I learned from this experience is that I can help an Obliger realize the desires they have for themselves by creating outer accountability.

Instead of loose plans, next time we’ll make concrete plans. I’ll cement these plans by following up with encouragement or a simple “looking forward to it” message to keep the commitment top of mind and to let her know I’m counting on her.

Outer accountability is the crucial element for an Obliger.

Obliger Rebellion: A Cautionary Tale

Because of the Obliger’s tendency to focus all their energy on doing things for others, over time, those expectations can become overwhelming. An Obliger meets, meets, and meets an expectation until one day they burn out and then snap and refuse to meet the expectation any longer. This is known as “Obliger Rebellion.”

Obliger rebellion can take on many forms, large and small. Walking out on jobs, ending marriages and friendships, without warning; or, purposely being late to a meeting or skipping it altogether.

Obligers, and the people around them, need to be careful that their dominate tendency to always do for others doesn’t become all too burdensome and potentially triggers Obliger rebellion.

“I’ll do anything you ask, until I won’t.” said the Obliger.

How to Create Outer Accountability

If outer accountability is the key for Obligers to get more of what they want personally, how do they create accountability? Here are a few ideas:

• Team up with an accountability partner. A work colleague, a personal trainer, a family member, a friend, or someone more formal like a personal coach are examples of accountability partners.
• Join or create an accountability group. Sometimes more is better. For some, being part of a group of like-minded people is going to keep them on track more consistently.
• Publicly commit to something so you have no choice but to come through for yourself. For example, sign up for something and tell everyone you know about it. Seriously, everyone you know. Post it on social media, email friends and family, tell the cashier at the grocery store, your neighbors, virtually anyone and everyone you encounter.

Remember, the point is to create as much outer accountability as you need to ensure that you’re able to meet your inner desire for yourself.

If you’re an Obliger and want more of what YOU want in life, go out there and create outer accountability. You got this! 

For an overview of the Four Tendencies, click here for the How Unlocking Your Natural Tendency Leads to a Happier Life blog post.

Are you an Obliger? Discover your tendency by taking the short quiz here.

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