Do you ever get frustrated with other people when they don’t get their stuff done?
Do you sometimes wonder what their problem is?
Do you find yourself scratching your head because you expect everyone else to be like you when it comes to doing what they’re suppose to do?
If you can relate, you may lean toward the Upholder tendency when it comes to how you meet expectations.
So why do I keep talking about The Four Tendencies? Because understanding the Four Tendencies is life changing.
I can’t say this enough, when we understand how we want to work and how we want to live, and can take into account what each tendency needs to succeed, that’s when we can create situations where everyone can thrive.
Unlock Your Tendency
As you learn about The Four Tendencies, don’t be surprised if you can relate to each one. I know when I was first learning, I wasn’t sure what my dominate tendency was because I saw myself in each. It wasn’t until I took the quiz that I learned I was a Rebel, and tipped to Questioner. I still have aspects of the Upholder and Obliger tendencies, they’re just not dominating tendencies in my personality.
Once I learned my tendencies, everything made sense. It’s a game changer.
Take the Quiz
If you haven’t taken the quiz to unlock your tendency, you can do that here by completing a simple 13 question quiz.
Let’s dive deeper into the Upholder tendency, the polar opposite of the Rebel tendency we explored in my last post.
Masters at Getting Things Done
Where Rebels resist all expectations (both inner and outer), Upholders readily meet all expectations. Rebels can struggle with being productive whereas Upholders excel as getting things done. Getting things done is easier for Upholders than any other tendency.
Upholders are all about meeting expectations. They want to do what they expect of themselves and what others expect of them is just as important.
Upholders wake up and think “what’s on my schedule and to-do list today?”
Upholders like to know what’s expected of them and they don’t like making mistakes and letting people down, including themselves. They are independent and reliable, if they tell you they’re going to do something – they do it.
Motto: “Discipline is my freedom”
Upsides of the Upholder Tendency
- Upholders are self-directed and self-motivated so they can easily stick to a schedule, meet deadlines, and take initiative without much supervision.
- Upholders have an instinct for self-preservation. They can easily reject outer expectations if they conflict with meeting their inner expectations. This protects Upholders from resentment that others, particularly Obligers, often feel.
- Upholders love understanding and following the rules and do well in situations where the rules and expectations are clearly laid out.
- Upholders are conscientious, reliable, and thorough. They’re the people you can always count on to deliver as planned.
Downsides of the Upholder Tendency
- Upholders struggle to understand why others face challenges and frustrations when it comes to meeting expectations when they do not. When others don’t meet expectations, Upholders can appear impatient and demanding, which doesn’t help build relationships.
- They hate to make mistakes or do things wrong and because of that, they may become angry or defensive at the suggestion that they’ve dropped the ball or made a mistake. They often feel the need to explain their mistakes as a way of relieving themselves.
- Because they enjoy and thrive in routine, structure, and clear expectations, they may have trouble adjusting to a break in routine, sudden scheduling changes, or ambiguous expectations.
- Upholders can be impatient with others. They don’t understand why the Questioners keep asking questions, or why the Obligers can’t get things done, or why the Rebels won’t follow the schedule or the rules. In other words, they have a hard time understanding why everyone else isn’t like them.
Strategies for Dealing with an Upholder
Clarity is Key
When an Upholder knows exactly what’s required to reach a goal, they are ready, willing, and able to tackle each step like they’re marking tasks off a check list. But if expectations or the way forward are cloudy, progress can be stymied and enthusiasm frustrated. It’s important for Upholders to articulate expectations so they can be met. Without clear expectations, Upholders will struggle. Help them get clarity for themselves or provide it if appropriate.
Manage Change and Flexibility
Because Upholders do not like spontaneity, flexibility, change, or bending the rules; they are better off avoiding these types of environments altogether. Help Upholders in these situations by providing as much advance notice as possible when change is on the horizon. Rewrite the rules, even if it’s temporary, so Upholders don’t feel like they’re breaking them causing them stress. Provide structure and clear expectations so Upholders can succeed.
How I Can Help
If you’re interested in developing healthier relationships, with yourself and the people around, embracing The Four Tendencies will help you get there. If you need help applying The Four Tendencies in your life, I can help you. Contact me HERE.
Take the Quiz
Discover your tendency by taking the short quiz here.
Other Posts About The Four Tendencies
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Sandra is a business and life coach who specializes in helping clients who are craving a change but feel stuck where they are. Sandra helps them discover a new vision of the future and follow through on their ideas with enthusiasm and confidence. With a diverse background that spans more than three decades, Sandra combines her educator’s perspective, business acumen, life coaching skills, and everything she’s learned along the way to help her clients make bold moves that advance them forward in their careers and in their lives. When she’s not working, Sandra loves practicing yoga, traveling, cultural experiences, and enjoying the desert southwest.